Flying Time

Time goes too fast. Yesterday felt like Monday and today is Thursday. And yet, I don't know what I want it to slow down for.  It really all comes down to the fact that I want to live; right here, in this moment, to the fullest.  It's hard to do that when you're working a full time job and trying to make a name out of nothing for yourself.  I leave my house at 6 am, hit the gym until 7:45 and head to work.  I leave between 5:30 and 6:30 and will make it home usually before 8pm.  How much time does that leave me for living? I guess that's when the saying "if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life," comes into play.  And it's true for the most part.  I love what I do and I don't mind getting up that early.  Although it would be nice to be home sooner, to be able to have that extra day time for friends and being social.  But I want time to slow down? Why do I feel like I'm wasting time? What am I waiting for that I want time to slow down so it can get here first? It's hard to admit this, but sometimes I get afraid life will be taken too early from me and there is so much more I want to do.  I've been in such a state of gypsy that I forget  my life is not in limbo.  Time doesn't need to slow down, because I'm doing the most I can with what I have.  

One of the biggest longings I have is to share life with others.  I have experienced so much this year, traveled incredible distances, met incredible people, but I haven't had someone to share the whole journey with.  I've have different people in different places fulfilling my life, but no constant.  I update my friends and family, but it isn't the same.  I want someone to experience it with me, to see what I see and share the same memories.  Life doesn't mean much until you share it with others, right? Now that I feel confidently independent and free, it's time to let someone else in.  A scary thought for someone so comfortable on her own. I long for that sense of companionship and fear it with a passion remembering the heartache of leaving friends, boyfriends and them leaving me.  The crushingly hollow feeling after someone important has gone away is enough to make anyone apprehensive to let someone that close again.  So here is my challenge to myself- let it happen. Don't force it.  Don't be afraid of it. But go slow.  Let the constants find their way in and hold them there.